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Inspiration

A Letter To My Last Baby, Before You Arrive

Posted in Inspiration, Mom Life, The Pregnancy Diaries
on April 25, 2017

Hey there sweet Wade,

I write this with a hint of sadness as you’ll be my last flutters, that turn into kicks, that turn into hiccups, that will eventually turn into a little bundle of joy. After you arrive I’ll be forced into a new “era” for me. One that doesn’t involve trying our hardest to justify trying for another child, anxiously awaiting plus signs on a pregnancy test and a big round bump. Don’t get me wrong though, there are no words to express how excited I am to meet and kiss your sweet face. Continue reading

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Loose.

Posted in Inspiration, Mom Life
on May 26, 2016

What do you do when the weight of motherhood sits down on your shoulders? When its so heavy that you want to fall, when it feels like theres no where else to go but down.

Where do you go?

I usually go to sleep.. but that’s beside the point.

Disclaimer: Its about to get real deep up in here. Bear with me.

This past month the events in my life were like a domino effect. Something would go wrong, leading to another thing, and another thing, so on and so forth. It was all happening so fast that I couldn’t even stop to catch my breath, or to gather my thoughts even. Being positive in a moment like that is almost impossible, for me at least. So I’m not going to sit here and tell you to just breath, and that everything will work out in the end.. or to let go and let everything take its toll.

That’s crap.

Realistically, your life is just as happy and joyful as you make it. I know this firsthand, you hold the key to your own success and happiness.

Use it.

A month ago, when it seemed the world was against me, I couldn’t quite grasp that key. You see, I’m one of those “complain about it and you’ll feel better” types of people.

No, don’t worry, I sometimes hate myself too. It’s a problem and I realize that. Please see Emma Stone for reference.. Gosh, I love her.. Moving on!

Eventually, things will keep getting, for lack of a better word, bad, and you’ll find yourself at a crossroads. Shut it out, or do something about it.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and loose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room. -Cheryl Strayed

Mental note.. I feel like I’m writing up one of those infomercial scripts for workout equipment or something. The ones you see late at night, so incredibly corny but still convincing.

My point in all this is to tell you that I have bad days, heck, bad months even. Every mother needs to endure them, you need some lows to truley enjoy the highs. As much as it sucks.. thats life, its never fair.

When laundry piles up. When dinner itself is a battle. When housework is never-ending, and when you start to forget who you are, remember that I’ve been there. Hey, Im still here.. I write my way though moments like this. Almost the entirety of this post is my ramblings that are locked away in a draft.

I’m not a speaker, I don’t do therapy, and I can’t hold meaningful conversations to save my life. So I write.

I write my way to clear eyes.. to the clear eyes that show me I have a full heart. When you have a full heart, the last thing you’ll ever do is loose.

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Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t loose. 

Burned Out

Posted in Inspiration, Mom Life
on April 20, 2016

So a couple of days ago I woke up with an odd feeling. I had dreamed that a house my family and I were living in, in the past, was about to be engulfed in flames.

I always have dreams, strange dreams, and I remember every single one so vividly. Before I confirmed that I was pregnant, with both my boys, I had dreams about them. With Wyatt, we were shopping in a store and he was playing in a clothes rack, I looked down at him and said “Give Mama a kiss sweet boy.”. And with Westin I had a dream I was in the apartment my husband and I had together when we first started dating, I walked up to the thermostat to change it and when I looked down, yet again, I felt a kick and saw my fully pregnant belly.

I’m sorda psychic.. but I digress.

Back to the burning house. In this dream I was walking around with a baby on my hip, actually running, yelling at the top of my lungs that a speaker and a chandelier were on fire. Eventually, I found my husband and he, ever so calmly, told me the he’d call the fire department. To which I replied, “Why do we need to call for help, why can’t you put out the fire?” and “I guess I should find some sweat pants to put on then since people are coming over to our house.”.

Really, Shirri? Your freaking house is on fire and this is how you’re going to act?

I then proceeded to run up and down stairs, with a baby still on my hip, I can’t even remember if it was mine or not. I scoured the house for my pants, anxious and confused. I clearly remember worrying about my appearance too, rationally worrying about how I would look to others in this time of need.

It was during my search for pants when I finally woke up. Confused as hell and trying to map it all together. It was one of those dreams where you wake up feeling as if it actually happened the day before. I immediately told my husband about my bizarre dream and, like always, we looked up the meaning.

Seeing fire in a dream has so many different meanings. For example, fire can represent anger, a bad temper, passion, or transformation.

Seeing something burning, however, is what really opened my eyes to why this dream came about. Burning indicates that you are experiencing intense emotions. There is some situation or issue that you can no longer avoid or ignore. Alternatively it suggests that you need to take time off for yourself and relax, on grounds that you are “burned out” or “burned up”.

So theres that.

A huge slap in the face, pulling my eyelids open just enough to see that I need a break. Life has been crazy hectic lately and I haven’t been feeling myself.

Actually hectic is an understatement, as much as I wish I could pour my heart and feelings out, I just can’t. I would probably have so many people pissed at me, and that’s just no fun!

Case in point.. Its so easy to get caught up in being a mother, so easy for me that I always forget who Shirri is, and what she needs. To be honest I don’t even really remember anymore.

I find myself wishing I was a bit more selfish when it comes to my happiness, as bad as that may sound. For others its so simple to walk out that door and be okay, but for me its a process.

I love being around my children 24/7, even when they push me to my limits.

Yet, this dream was formed in my subconscious, my strange little subconscious. That little voice in my head is on my side and I need to trust it.

Chime in- Do you ever look up meanings being dreams? Or am I just a hippie?

I Prayed With Him

Posted in Inspiration, Mom Life
on December 8, 2015

So here’s the deal. I’ve never been very religious. Growing up I was always told there was a God and I learned the word of God from children’s books that were gifted to me through my adolescent years. Like any Human, I think, I’ve questioned His existence and His plans for my life. Continue reading

Let’s Laugh A Little

Posted in Inspiration, Mom Life
on December 6, 2015

Somehow bad days outshine the good ones. I may be alone in that aspect of my thoughts, but just in case i’m not feel free to use this read to remind yourself to give those bad days the boot. Rejoice in the little things and when a good moment presents itself don’t let it go. Continue reading

Believer Lover Mother- A Postpartum Depression Story

Posted in Inspiration, Mom Life
on November 10, 2015
Postpartum Depression

March 1, 2011 was the day God gave me my saving grace, my Wyatt Edward. 4 years and 8 months ago I became a Mother. I had so many emotions running through my head that day. Sitting in the hospital bed I was overjoyed with the love I had for this tiny child of mine. He was perfect, he was the spitting image of me, everything I imagined him to be and more. When the nurses would take him out of the room for routine tests, shots, and baths I missed him. I yearned for him to be rolled back into the room so I wouldn’t forget his face. It was pure love.

A postpartum depression story

Day 1

2 days later we received the all clear to go home. The nurses finished up our discharge paperwork, cut off our wristbands and we were on our way.

Little did I know, home would never feel the same. We arrived to our house around 9 pm, after fighting Houston traffic on a Thursday night. The truck turned off and I raced to get Wyatt inside. I was eager to start being his Mother, his everything. I made him a bottle myself, sat down in the rocking chair and rocked my first born to sleep. He slept for an hours and I had yet to lay down in bed because I was unpacking all of our hospital bags. When I went into Wyatt’s room I found him unwrapped and crying. I figured this would be a simple task– change his diaper, re-wrap him tighter and rock him back to sleep.

For 8 weeks nothing I did ever seemed to work. He still continued to cry, as if my care wasn’t good enough for him.

For the next couple of weeks I felt alone and I felt like a failure. I wondered how my thoughts could change so quickly.. Not very long ago I was smitten in the hospital. I was excited for what was to come, and now I was on the verge of a breakdown.

My Mom would come over after work everyday to check on me but I still felt alone, drowning in my thoughts. Asking myself why I wasn’t a good Mother. Why wasn’t I one of those Mothers who figured it out instantly?

I became enraged with myself by the time Wyatt was 3 months.

3 months of a crying infant, countless doctors visits, sleepless nights, and still no answers. I didn’t know if the issue lied with Wyatt or if it was with myself. Still, regardless of the lack of answers I blamed myself and felt as if I wasn’t ready to be a Mom.

A postpartum depression story

3 Weeks Old

I turned to my Mom for everything, who may very well have been my angel sent from God. She would bring over different kinds of Homeopathic fixes, and varieties of formulas for me to try. She would come with me to Wyatt’s doctors appointments and speak when I felt like I couldn’t voice any words. Finally we came to a conclusion, nearly 4 long months later. Wyatt was lactose intolerant. The formulas I was feeding him weren’t mixing well with his stomach, which then caused discomfort and gas. When I made his first bottle of soy formula I cuddled with him as he drank it. The stench was revolting but he seemed to like it. Counting down from 4 ounces to an empty bottle I could feel a sigh of relief let out. Looking back now, that was the countdown to where Shirri came back.

I laid my sweet boy in his crib and we slept a full night; for the first time ever.

At that time in my life I didn’t pray. I didn’t turn to a higher power to wash away my negative thoughts and heal all the pain from the heartache I was putting myself through. For all the times I didn’t want to get out of bed, for all the times I didn’t want to eat and for all the times I cried myself to sleep I wish I would’ve known then what I know now. He is AMAZING. I was lost and all God needed was for me to accept him in that dark stage of my life.

Dealing with Postpartum Depression was the hardest moment of my life.

With the birth of my second Son, Westin, in October 2014, I was fully aware of what I went though previously. However, I had more faith. More faith in God and an even increased amount of faith in myself. Today I am blessed to accept Him as my Lord and Savior and I know that whatever I go through in life He will be there to help me through it.

I want to encourage Mothers to click the link below to watch a video, as this is my reasoning for the title of this post. Tara Austin is a Texas girl who owns the cutest little boutique in all of Texas, Ruthie Grace Boutique. She struggled with PPD and The Lord, along with a great organization, helped her overcome it. Since her success she has started spreading a message that lets women like me know that we are never alone. Her Believer Lover Mother movement has touched my heart so much. It helps me to remember to be a Believer of Christ first, a Lover to my Husband second, and a Mother to my children third. And its even printed on a pretty shirt to wear with pride! Plus, a portion of proceeds will benefit {Postpartum Support International}. What could be better than that??

 Watch the video here–>{Believer Lover Mother by Tara Austin}A postpartum depression story

If you’re interested in purchasing one of these shirts like and follow Ruthie Grace Boutique where you’ll find all the details! Once you get this baby in, wear it with pride and share it with the hashtag #believerlovermother

Instagram–> @ruthiegraceboutique

Facebook–> Ruthie Grace Boutique

Thank you for sharing your story Tara and for starting this great cause! I’ve told you once, but I will say it again, you are such an inspiration!