When it comes to finding yourself the process can be pretty challenging. When you’re a young mother living for her family, that process becomes bewildering. I’ve never put much thought into who I was or where I’m going until I started writing.
To me, writing is a sure-fire way to determine who you are. (insert shameless selfie below)
As of right now I know 5 things about myself.
- I am a homebody. I like keeping to myself and staying off the radar.
- I put others way before myself, and that’s not particularly a good thing.
- I can be extremely hard on myself, and I think that’s pretty normal.
- I believe I am a unique type of person but I cannot own it.. As I don’t want to seem conceded.
- I am NOT a ‘fall down, get back up stronger’ person.
So yeah, you may look at those things and think they’re negative. At first glance I’d think the same thing. My mind works in mysterious ways and I have yet to find another who can relate.
Here’s my reasoning behind those 5 things. I wish I was the exact opposite of each of them. I’ve been fighting a war in my mind for quite some time now, trying to overcome who I really am and shift into someone who is not me.
It’s actually made things much more difficult in my life. Let me break down my 5 things for you.
I like staying home because I am an introvert, being alone is my favorite time of the day.
I’ve never been one to chase the crowd and shine a light on myself, not in person anyways.
I put my family before myself because that’s the kind of mother I’ve always wanted to be. I want to be the backbone and the crutch, I want to be the one that they need daily. It gives me a sense of pride knowing I’m needed.
I’m hard on myself because if I’m not, I won’t strive to prove myself wrong. I constantly tear myself apart because I am so good at building myself back up, to the point where only I am my own worst enemy. No one can speak to me with words worse than I do to myself, and that’s okay. I make myself tough enough to handle it.
I know I am a unique person, but I don’t walk around flaunting it like a vegetarian announces they don’t eat meat. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.
And when I fall down, I fall down hard.. Hard enough to bring myself back to reality and see things realistically, rather than irrationally. (around my parts they call me the queen of irrational thoughts.. well, if the crown fits, right?!)
I could go on and on justifying those 5 things, but what more would it change?
Everything, actually. I highly doubt you’re ready for a novel so I’ll spare you.
Right now, as I write this, my words are flowing. I am basically talking myself out of feeling sorry for myself.. for not knowing who the hell I am.
I obviously know who I am.. I proved that 60 words ago.
You know who you are too, I can promise you that. You just haven’t quite accepted it.
In my opinion, I don’t think you ever have to fully accept yourself, as you are constantly changing. If you really wanted to accept every aspect of your being you’d be mentally exhausted your entire life. Now when you’re 80, sitting with your soul mate sipping coffee, I’m pretty sure you’ll know who you really are. However I cannot vouch for that.
Stop trying to find yourself and let yourself find you. During this process I am urging myself to make minor improvements; To get out and do things for myself every once in a while, to attend social events with mere acquaintances, to appear completely vulnerable at times, and to own what I am capable of and what I have accomplished thus far. Throwing myself into uncomfortable situations is the only way I know how to expect growth. And again, that’s totally fine.
I’m a journal keeper, turned writer, turned blogger, who just wants to morph into a socialite, and fit in with the inspiring entrepreneurs of Houston, Texas.. and Lord willing I will get there.
How well do you think you know yourself? Write down 5 things you’re sure of and elaborate why in full sentences, no lists, just as I did up above.. You’d be surprised with what your mind brings to the table.