An Open Letter To The Friend I Let Down

Posted in Real Life, Relationships
on January 28, 2016

These open letter posts are tricky. I always read them and somehow find a way to relate to them.. I wonder if the author actually went though the situation that needed an open letter or if they just made it up..

This my friends is not made up. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

Maybe you’ve been there, maybe you haven’t. Your best friend is about to walk into a new chapter of her life with the man she loves, and you so selfishly, decide to voice your opinions on that. Let me go ahead and say that honesty is not always the best policy.

To the friend I’ve had since 2007, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that my words got in the way of what really mattered.. Your happiness and our friendship.

Love is a funny thing.. It’s never the same but its always different in the eyes of others. You can love someone with all your heart and still have the ability to hurt them in the blink of an eye. No matter which end you’re on love, and friendship, is a constant battle.

Now when that friendship turns into something stronger, say a bond that you usually see between two sisters, things get even more complicated. You have this voice in your head that keeps telling you not to let her mess up. You feel obligated to make her happy and when she’s not happy you feel like you could’ve driven her away from said hurt. In turn you stop acting like a friend and more of a parent.

The line between a sister friend and a straight up buzz kill is very thin. I’ve gotten close to that line and a while ago I crossed it.

I was so caught up in the past that I forgot to look into the future.

I’m not sure if I’ve even been as disappointed in myself than I am now. It was instant, an instant feeling of anger, sadness, regret, and sorrow all at once. I had the devil on one shoulder and God on the other, and I’m sure you can guess which path I chose.

It’s never easy sharing someone so close to you. Whether its with their significant other or their other friends, you get, for lack of a better word, territorial.

Totally rational, I know.

The reality of it all is, when you have a feeling you shouldn’t act on it at once. Simmer down, sleep on it, then approach it. That simple reality had yet to kick in and I dug myself a nice little hole to sit in.

I’ll be completely honest here, because of my words I am going to miss my sisters wedding, the moment her heart becomes one with the man that chose her. The moment where she becomes a wife and most importantly someones life long best friend. The moment I had almost 3 years ago where I couldn’t imagine not having her there beside me.

I’m going to miss it all.

And I completely understand why. Theres a reason you can’t walk around and tell the world what you think of them, you have to reap what you sow.

So to the man that’s going to be waiting for my sister at the end of the isle, I hope you can accept my apology when I say you are in fact the one for her. She’s been in love with you for 7 years and I was just too blind to see it. Keep her happy till the day she dies and I’ll be just fine.

To the friend I wasn’t there for, I love you. As hard as it may be to see the reasons for my poorly chosen words I hope you’ll still think of our crazy shenanigans every once and a while. We may not have grown up together but we morphed into some pretty cool 20 somethings together. And I won’t forget any bit of it.

I’m not putting this out here to throw a pity party, this is real life, this blog is my life, and everything on this blog is me. Proudly, unapologetically me.

So for future reference, Im keeping my mouth duct taped. I realize I still have so many faults that seemed like normal tendencies to me.

Yeah, I was wrong.

I’m using this experience for growth. There’s no other way to deal with a mess up, you’ve gotta take it and run with it. My eyes have been opened to so much I need to work on as a person and I’ll never be too proud to admit that.

 

 

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