Believer Lover Mother- A Postpartum Depression Story

Posted in Inspiration, Mom Life
on November 10, 2015
Postpartum Depression

March 1, 2011 was the day God gave me my saving grace, my Wyatt Edward. 4 years and 8 months ago I became a Mother. I had so many emotions running through my head that day. Sitting in the hospital bed I was overjoyed with the love I had for this tiny child of mine. He was perfect, he was the spitting image of me, everything I imagined him to be and more. When the nurses would take him out of the room for routine tests, shots, and baths I missed him. I yearned for him to be rolled back into the room so I wouldn’t forget his face. It was pure love.

A postpartum depression story

Day 1

2 days later we received the all clear to go home. The nurses finished up our discharge paperwork, cut off our wristbands and we were on our way.

Little did I know, home would never feel the same. We arrived to our house around 9 pm, after fighting Houston traffic on a Thursday night. The truck turned off and I raced to get Wyatt inside. I was eager to start being his Mother, his everything. I made him a bottle myself, sat down in the rocking chair and rocked my first born to sleep. He slept for an hours and I had yet to lay down in bed because I was unpacking all of our hospital bags. When I went into Wyatt’s room I found him unwrapped and crying. I figured this would be a simple task– change his diaper, re-wrap him tighter and rock him back to sleep.

For 8 weeks nothing I did ever seemed to work. He still continued to cry, as if my care wasn’t good enough for him.

For the next couple of weeks I felt alone and I felt like a failure. I wondered how my thoughts could change so quickly.. Not very long ago I was smitten in the hospital. I was excited for what was to come, and now I was on the verge of a breakdown.

My Mom would come over after work everyday to check on me but I still felt alone, drowning in my thoughts. Asking myself why I wasn’t a good Mother. Why wasn’t I one of those Mothers who figured it out instantly?

I became enraged with myself by the time Wyatt was 3 months.

3 months of a crying infant, countless doctors visits, sleepless nights, and still no answers. I didn’t know if the issue lied with Wyatt or if it was with myself. Still, regardless of the lack of answers I blamed myself and felt as if I wasn’t ready to be a Mom.

A postpartum depression story

3 Weeks Old

I turned to my Mom for everything, who may very well have been my angel sent from God. She would bring over different kinds of Homeopathic fixes, and varieties of formulas for me to try. She would come with me to Wyatt’s doctors appointments and speak when I felt like I couldn’t voice any words. Finally we came to a conclusion, nearly 4 long months later. Wyatt was lactose intolerant. The formulas I was feeding him weren’t mixing well with his stomach, which then caused discomfort and gas. When I made his first bottle of soy formula I cuddled with him as he drank it. The stench was revolting but he seemed to like it. Counting down from 4 ounces to an empty bottle I could feel a sigh of relief let out. Looking back now, that was the countdown to where Shirri came back.

I laid my sweet boy in his crib and we slept a full night; for the first time ever.

At that time in my life I didn’t pray. I didn’t turn to a higher power to wash away my negative thoughts and heal all the pain from the heartache I was putting myself through. For all the times I didn’t want to get out of bed, for all the times I didn’t want to eat and for all the times I cried myself to sleep I wish I would’ve known then what I know now. He is AMAZING. I was lost and all God needed was for me to accept him in that dark stage of my life.

Dealing with Postpartum Depression was the hardest moment of my life.

With the birth of my second Son, Westin, in October 2014, I was fully aware of what I went though previously. However, I had more faith. More faith in God and an even increased amount of faith in myself. Today I am blessed to accept Him as my Lord and Savior and I know that whatever I go through in life He will be there to help me through it.

I want to encourage Mothers to click the link below to watch a video, as this is my reasoning for the title of this post. Tara Austin is a Texas girl who owns the cutest little boutique in all of Texas, Ruthie Grace Boutique. She struggled with PPD and The Lord, along with a great organization, helped her overcome it. Since her success she has started spreading a message that lets women like me know that we are never alone. Her Believer Lover Mother movement has touched my heart so much. It helps me to remember to be a Believer of Christ first, a Lover to my Husband second, and a Mother to my children third. And its even printed on a pretty shirt to wear with pride! Plus, a portion of proceeds will benefit {Postpartum Support International}. What could be better than that??

 Watch the video here–>{Believer Lover Mother by Tara Austin}A postpartum depression story

If you’re interested in purchasing one of these shirts like and follow Ruthie Grace Boutique where you’ll find all the details! Once you get this baby in, wear it with pride and share it with the hashtag #believerlovermother

Instagram–> @ruthiegraceboutique

Facebook–> Ruthie Grace Boutique

Thank you for sharing your story Tara and for starting this great cause! I’ve told you once, but I will say it again, you are such an inspiration!

  • It’s going to be a great Book. Love you OMA

  • LOVE this so much! I love her shop!!!!!!!!! Praise God for where you were and where you are NOW! 🙂

  • Rae

    I will file this post into my memory for the day I am a new mom with a newborn.
    Signed, someone who was fed Pro-So-Bee formula from two days of age because I couldn’t tolerate the other stuff (breast feeding was not an option due to my mom’s health).

    Happy that you are now enjoying your little one!

    • I’m glad I can help in the future! My son was also on Prosobee! It was a lifesaver. Thanks for reading!

You may also like