I’ve been a borderline introvert my whole life. However, I’ve just recently figured that out. I always figured I was simply an awkward person, and I used to think that my lack of self-esteem contributed to the way I socialized. So surely you can imagine my excitement when I finally realized why I am the way I am.
Growing up I was always quiet and shy. I hated being around people I did not know because I despised having to share my “nice to meet you” story. I was the little girl who would rather play all by herself than have a huge group of friends, and even today that’s still who I am.
Whenever I would have to order my own food I would practice exactly what I wanted to say in my head, and remember to speak up. Because honestly, the shot to my self esteem that would come from messing up or being told to speak louder would literally kill me.
When I was younger, think junior high, my introverted personality sky rocketed. I had just moved from Colorado to Texas. I didn’t have any friends and to make matters worse I was still stuck in an Elementary School state of mind. My 6th grade class in Colorado was still held in an Elementary School and I was the oldest group of kids in my school and we actually looked like elementary kids.
Fast forward to our big move where I was shoved into a junior high where girls wore designer clothes, straightened their hair every day, and did their make up in ways that baffled me. The shock hit me so hard I literally cried in the bathroom stall my first day of 7th grade. I had social anxiety because I was not a sociable person towards these ‘older’ kids. Every day of school I second guessed what I wore, what I did, and even things I said. My self esteem was at an all time low.. I didn’t want fit in. Instead of trying to change myself and make new friends I continued to stay in my little ball. When I accepted who I was life became a little better. I went to school, sat by myself on the bus, talked to no one, sat with a group of people at lunch who never even acknowledged my existence, and counted the hours until I could go home.
Like most, I grew up and I became better. I was managing. My style changed, I did my hair, and I learned how to put on makeup by the 9th grade. Finally, right? I joined our schools Tennis team and finally had a group of friends I could relate to. School was easier for me, I lived for our Tennis matches and I loved after school practice. I finally had something I was good at, and I gave myself the recognition I so badly needed for so long. I was happy.
Today, as an adult, I still have my ways. I’m still fully an introvert but I am okay with being one. I know how to approach certain situations and I give myself a lot more credit than I used to.
I love being alone. When I am alone I feel like I am finally able to recharge. I can finally hear myself think and I can be who I really am. I am not the girl who needs a ton of friends, I’d rather have 2 or 3 that I talk to once or twice a week.
After a night out with a group I feel so drained. For others, that might be their fuel. That is something I could never understand. Once I am out for too long I tend to shut down. I am quiet and then I rely on eye gestures and simple head shakes to communicate.
On busy days, when my Husband and I take the kids somewhere, or even something as simple as running errands, I will always get a pounding headache afterwards. I can try to be as calm, cool, and collective as I possibly can but it never fails. The second we get home and settled down it’s like my mind is punishing me for putting it through that horror of being out in the world. Having to deal with other people.
Introverts are a special kind, I may be a bit biased here, but we are okay being alone. GREAT in fact. Having the ability to enjoy your own company is something rare. I know so many individuals who drive themselves nuts trying to keep in touch with someone, anyone, because they cannot face their own thoughts.
Introverts thrive on their thoughts. They can really tune into what they want and they know how to execute their plans because of it.
Introverts find small talk revolting. Idle chatter can be an open door to anxiety. They’d rather have meaningful conversations. Conversations about anything other than what you bought at the mall on Saturday, or how your day went. I know with me, when I am pulled into small talk I freeze. I have nothing else to say so the word “Yep.” comes out more than I’d like it to. Que the glazed over eyes and fake smile.
One of the greatest tendencies of an introvert has to be our ability to think first and talk later. This leads others to see us as wise.. as a result, I cannot tell you how many people tell me that I have an old soul. Which is so so true.
Most introverts are seasoned writers. Because our minds work in a way that spills out our feelings easier on paper rather than in words. We feel more creatively charged when we have our time to be alone. Sometimes I feel like such a phony, you all ‘see’ me as someone very open, sharing my life stories on the internet for the world to see, not a care in the world. However, in reality I am comfortable with this because these are only written words.. Ask me to speak what I write and It’ll be like an act of congress.
If there is one thing you should understand about introverts, it’s that we don’t actually hate people. We aren’t stuck up or even self centered. It’s honestly just how our brains are programmed. To understand an introvert there really is no other way than talking to them about it, I would rather be asked why I am the way I am than to be told to get out of my shell and speak up.
Life is all about finding and accepting yourself. Once you do those things you’re golden. For me, and my 24 years on this earth, it’s been hard. To this day I am still learning who I am. It’s a constant journey, and you have to be willing to understand yourself before jumping to conclusions about your yourself.
Believe in your actions and vibes. There is always an underlying reason for why you are the way you are. You are unique, so unique that there is only one you in this universe.
Embrace the person you are right now, don’t change because society says you should.. you’ll be glad you didn’t.